☞Wasteland Warlock☜ (kingfox) wrote,
☞Wasteland Warlock☜

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Off to TOE

Yeah, I know. I'm a big fat loser.

Here I am, almost midnight, still in an office.

Well, I was doing work from 8:30 to 10. And I did go out to get dinner with John from 6 to 8 or so. So it's not that totally lame.

Oh, who am I kidding.

I even had Cynthia call and tell me that I'm being a loser, and to go home and spend time with my roomies...

Tomorrow Aaron, Chris, and I will be going down to hang out with Ernie and April. I think Ernie and April want to drink with me and attempt to drown my sorrows. I don't think it will help. I'm not like that, drinking would just make it worse. Besides, I have work on Sunday.

When talking to the ghost from my past she said that my mom did some work on me, clearing my chakras or something, fixing me. Between that, the allergies conversation with my department, and the various discussions of change that I've been having with my love, I wonder if I lost myself. All of my Drew friends told me that I had an amazing sense of self, and a few expressed how much of a figure I was. I didn't need to find a 'uniform', or an 'angle', or a direction... I was just 'Russ', and that was the alpha and the omega of my essence, as I exuded being. Feff was the brain, Towel Boy was the heart, and I was the body they said. Perhaps squatting in my office on a floor, in the cold, afraid to be caught, hungry... caused me to lose myself. Maybe I have some work that I need to do.

Or maybe I'm just being a whiny bitch, and the only work I need to do on myself is to grow the fuck up, snap out of this shit, and get the fuck on with my fucking life already. Enough with the melodrama that I've created and surrounded myself with subconsciously or consciously for decades. Enough of the bullshit that I spew. Time to get back to living the way I want to live for the person I want to live for. Too much introspective overanalysis of my psyche, not enough time taking it out and using it. Self improvement is masturbation, and I've done enough self-destruction for now.

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