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Middle Ages Meme & assorted notes - Virtual Sacrifice Log
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Middle Ages Meme & assorted notes
Alright, so here's the scenario. You're sent back in time to the Middle Ages. You can pick a particular year, if it's really important to you. You weren't expecting to go back in time (no preparation!), and you're sent back Terminator-style... naked. You're from the future! Surely, you should be able to kick this society's ass with your superior knowledge!

So, list 5 things you could offer to the king/lord/guy-intent-on-beating-you-up that would aid society so that they revere you instead of treating you like a common serf. If you'd argue that "better warfare" is not an aid to society, cram it up your ass. They'll revere you plenty if you bring 'em more efficient ways to kill each other! Keep in mind, these are things that you yourself must be able to do, and you must be able to do them with the materials present in the past. You can't just say "I'll give them the machine gun!" unless you would be able to build a machine gun on your own with the materials present in the past. Good luck with that.

Also, I don't want any answers like "I'd bring them Rock & Roll!". Save it for your hippy friends.

Edit: I thought I covered this, but apparently it wasn't clear enough. You need specifics. You can't just say "I'd improve sanitation!" You'd need to actually describe how you go about doing that. Also, I cut the number down from 10 to 5. And if this doesn't end up working, I'll mock you and then repost it in a week with a slightly different twist.
(stolen from _sterno_)

First day of classes today. Calculus and Econometrics. PARTY!

It depresses me greatly that Leonard Cohen is just about broke. At least he seems to be taking it well.

Remember that zombie breakout/game of life simulator I couldn't stop watching? I tried to convince crimson117 to make a flash version. Well, the guy who made it came up with a MMOG where you can play a zombie or a survivor. Check it out here.

Feeling: working working

Chorus of 30 demons || Preach it
facehead2k From: facehead2k Date: September 7th, 2005 08:07 pm (UTC) (Hard link)
Horrible news for Mr. Cohen, but I think he'll manage. There will certainly be more incentive to tour and release records for the next few years, but his catalogue is frequently covered and if properly managed, the royalties will do him nicely. In any event, I find it hard to view 150k as broke, but I'm part of a generation that won't likely be afforded the privilege of retiring.
kingfox From: kingfox Date: September 7th, 2005 08:55 pm (UTC) (Hard link)


A manager had him sell the catalogue for a quick influx of cash, convincing him that he needed to do just that, before he found out how much it was making a year. He doesn't have the back catalogue or copyrights.

He doesn't have $150k. He has $150k and is facing a tax bill, for things such as the selling of his catalogue, for millions. $150,000 - multimillions == broke.
From: (Anonymous) Date: September 7th, 2005 08:11 pm (UTC) (Hard link)
The Milles Borne (okay, can't spell it) Pictures are great!
cessna182 From: cessna182 Date: September 7th, 2005 08:12 pm (UTC) (Hard link)
Oops, log in first.
shmivejournal From: shmivejournal Date: September 7th, 2005 08:36 pm (UTC) (Hard link)
No matter what you try to improve, you can be sure the forces of Christianity will try to totally fuck you, so good luck, Joan of Arc.
shmivejournal From: shmivejournal Date: September 7th, 2005 08:39 pm (UTC) (Hard link)
Or more likely, you wouldn't be able to convince anybody of anything. The true problem is that most of our clever life adaptations of the present time are built upon an infrastructure of other, older, clever life adaptations of previous times -- and once you strip off the layers, unless you're bearded mountain man, you've got jack.
nemo_wistar From: nemo_wistar Date: September 7th, 2005 08:43 pm (UTC) (Hard link)
Gunpowder: Sulfur, charcoal, saltpeter.

Nitroglycerine: glycerol, nitric acid, and sulfuric acid (all of which were known then)

Fulminate of mercury: alcohol (18 pts) with nitric acid (60 pts) and mercury (1 pt). Presto, percussion caps.

Interchangable parts for efficient assembly of weapons components and standardized ammunition (brass / lead only).

Rifling gun barrels / cannon barrels. Angular momentum is your friend.

Poof. Single shot riflemen in 1150. I'll leave it to my successors to develop semiautomatics, but I think a breech loader and high explosives are good improvements over swords and crossbows.
wassailler From: wassailler Date: September 7th, 2005 09:06 pm (UTC) (Hard link)

with the help of Father Time...

k, here's my medieval meme answers:

I *really* wanted to bring motorcycles to them, especially since I saw 'Knightriders' (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082622/ )a few days ago, and it *rocked* my renfaire world with its dirtbike badness, but due to your stipulation, i have to create answers that make me sound like frigging Miss America instead:

I would deal with the frequent 'war' situation by introducing soccer a few centuries early...maybe they'd all go for it as a surrogate. I understand how to make a printing press, so I could put one of those together and put those damned illumination-making-monks out of business with my fancy printing. While I couldn't engineer an engine, I'm pretty sure that with some work I could make a bicycle, maybe something with big stuffed tires that could work in a field. that would be fun and possibly useful. alcohol already existed, so we're all ok on that one. my crowning achievement would be leading an expedition to china, where of course i could communicate and make trade deals and bring back a ton of cool, more advanced shit that would doubtlessly improve the quality of life, such as better paper, silk, etc, and make an enormous amount of money, along with acquiring gunpowder so that i could blast other countries to hell if the whole soccer thing didn't work out.
how would i get them all to follow me? well, if i arrive Terminator-style, i could convince them all that I am a saint. I would use this to start my China-expedition, and then set up the printing press, soccer-idea, and bicycle after I had all the money and prestige from my successful trading trip.
(Deleted comment)
doughnutman From: doughnutman Date: September 7th, 2005 10:06 pm (UTC) (Hard link)
1. Military tactics. I would provide them with different battle formations that haven't been seen yet, such as the week center strong side formation. Along with different methods of war that hadn't been thought of, like assassinations.

2. Propaganda to increase the loyalty of the subjects, and spent less money on it the process. The mass media hasn't been invented yet, I'd create it to get out the message.

3. Economic theory to increase taxes, I would show the lord the protectionism and serfdom is failing and replaced with free trade would make him much much more money.

4. Standardized parts, which would allow faster build time and cheaper over all cost.

5. The Assembly line- good made faster, improve taxes and the army.
towelboy From: towelboy Date: September 7th, 2005 10:34 pm (UTC) (Hard link)

My Kingfox Conundrum

If there was one person I thought I could count on it was Russell. Though we may have totally different lives and few chances to cross paths, our experiences together made it clear that this kind of friendship would not have to be questioned. It would just always be.

Or at least, I thought so.

See, back in senior year we did a TV special called Janet Wong Night. We also did a second hidden camera tape called simply 'Riddler Raw.'

Although not a part of the production itself, Russell enjoyed the tapes so much he asked me to borrow them, oh, some 2 -3 years ago, with the arrangement he could get them burned onto DVD.

Numerous times over the next few years I would ask Russell about the tapes. There was always some excuse or another reason why they haven't been burned, or why one of them was at work while he was in Hoboken, or whatever. I let it go, always trusting Russ to come through in the end.

Fast Forward again to right now. I have my own tools and have seriously begun work on the burning process. Now I really need those tapes.

In the last month I have attempted to contact Russell numerous times through these methods:

* Multiple voice mails at work, home, and cell.

* Posting this panel:

* Multiple instant messages. He ignores me or immediately switches to Away.
At one point I told him that at this point I didn't know if he seriously had beef
with me about something I didn't know, or if the tapes were lost or destroyed and
he didn't want to tell me, or if he was cutting out me out entirely. I told him
at this point I would just like some kind of response.

* I even resorted to asking his roommate and his girlfriend to help me.

* Now, Russell always said the best way to contact him was via e-mail. So here's
the e-mail, my last ditch effort:

I think the only medium I've haven't tried to contact you is via e-mail. I am, after numerous voice mails, IM requests, and a funny panel, still requesting 'Janet Wong Night' and 'Riddler Raw.' It has now been years since you've had them. The original agreement was for you to burn them onto DVD and make copies for us. For whatever reason, that did not happen. I have requested the tapes back numerous times on many occassions. I have always been polite in my requests. Now that I am in a position to burn them onto DVD, I am asking again that you mail them to me. You have consistenly ignored me. I still do not know the reason. If the tapes are lost or destroyed, I would like to know. If they are not, why won't you reply to me and/or throw them in the mail? Please consider that not only are they my property, they are very important to me for personal reasons you obviously understand.

I IMd with Pete the other night and asked him to mention this subject to you. I only did so because all other attempts to reach you have failed.

Russell, please respond.

--Towel Boy

I don't understand why my good friend would COMPLETELY IGNORE my every attempt to contact him. Russell Sprague...legendary character, good-hearted soul, and friend to all. Why would this person I've never had any falling out with, that I've lived with, that has pretended to be asleep on the other bed of a hotel room in AC while I tried to have sex with a hooker on coke...why won't Kingfox answer Towel Boy?

Sure it makes you angry. But it really makes you hurt. It's sad to think of someone who you genuinely cared about just never responding again, without even knowing the reason.

With friends like these, who needs Mr. Box?
From: (Anonymous) Date: September 8th, 2005 12:33 am (UTC) (Hard link)

Re: My Kingfox Conundrum

Mama Maria concurs:

From: mass_disgrace Date: September 8th, 2005 11:12 pm (UTC) (Hard link)

Re: My Kingfox Conundrum

You posted that in a different thread. If you want to re-post to have to at least type something different, not just cut and paste, otherwise its totally lame and just thread-jacks.

mobbdc From: mobbdc Date: September 9th, 2005 05:33 am (UTC) (Hard link)

looks like the MOB needs to step in and administer some verbal smackdowns...

Yo, you the Kingfox or the King of Bullshit?
All this drama going on man, you really should quit
You don't want it with the MOB, man, these kids are crazy sick
You ignored my boy Marc and acted like a fat bitch
Yeah, I left for a while now I'm back again
To make your broken limbs look like an accident
Show what those boys taught me down in Cak-a-lak
Slap your hoe-ass around a bit before I crack your back
Travel up north to this New York state of mind
Turn your back on the Crew, man, your soul must be blind
Pull that shit on me and it'll be the end of your time
Have you buried six feet deep, now you silent like a mime
On some Gravediggaz shit, the real Diary of a Madman
Leave you in the hospital, now you waiting for a CAT scan
This is your one and only chance, consider it a warning
End this shit now and I'll let you see tomorrow morning

Wocka wocka wocka!
solidus9 From: solidus9 Date: September 10th, 2005 11:48 pm (UTC) (Hard link)

5 things

1) Metal Alloys (combining 2 metals)

2) Basic cleanliness and sanitation (boiling water, baths)

3) Martial Arts, mainly improving the fighting abilities that they had

4) Birth control (I'd come up with something damn you! Goat stomach condoms anyone?)

5) hallucigenic drugs
Chorus of 30 demons || Preach it