☞Wasteland Warlock☜ (kingfox) wrote,
☞Wasteland Warlock☜

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Just kidding. Well, no, I'm not. I present to you, unearthed from the archive, some of the greatest online drama involving me from 1997. January 1997 to December of 1997. For most of you, this will mean nothing. But it's sad yet interesting to see what I was like eight years ago. I didn't bother formatting it, just some simple find and replaces to take care of people's names... only a few minutes spent on it, so it's still quite ugly.

kingfox and VLAD! on Thu Jan 9 21:14:18 1997 wrote....

First of all, I'd like to say that Roselle Park, the store you're competing with, is in NORTHERN NJ, a place full of hicks and emptiness. Roselle Park is a small town near Elizabeth and Newark, which is full of deviants. In fact, literally every person I know from Roselle Park is either a kinky child molester, a frustrated ugly bisexual, or an unsuccesful normal shy child molester. And they all call BBS's. See, in Central and Southern Jersey, the deviants are spread out evenly, and stick together on BBS's, letting the normals run their lives. Oh, and hiphopatcong, I miss you, you hairless little boy. And chiquib misses you too. Fire Marshal kingfox

kingfox on Sat Jul 19 2:39:44 1997 wrote....

Ok, I'm here, happy now?

And I am setting the slate clear, once and for all as far as who posted what, and when. I was, in fact, the first post from Lord Minty, as well as the third post. The second, though they got the story right, was not my doing. I was also Isaac the cat. Isaac is one of my sister in law's two cats. The only reason I posted as him was to give myself a virtual bookmark in the guestbook. Well, I also did the Andrew Steiner post, and the first post from myself. The post in May was not written by my white ass, though chiquib even thinks that it was. Sad that she can fall for such a blatant stereotypical satricial personification of my spirit. Oh well. All of the comments I made as Lord Minty were from Lord Minty, Matt Mintel, Lord of Illusion's point of view. He really does say such things... He once gave my lessons in imitating him for some bizzare online prank we pulled a year or two ago. But I degress.

I've talked with all three of my roomies next year, towelboy, Feff, and chiquib. It seems that everyone is taking this summer to finally grow up. My whip? Thrown in a dumpster in Union County, NJ. My toe? Operated on. Looks much much better. And my flaky coal-walker feet? Using a cream the doc gave me, and they smell less too. I take out the trash, I help out around the place, I did my homework (3.5 months late), and I am off my lazy ass. I haven't attacked anyone in ages. I haven't seriously threatened anyone's life and/or soul in ages. Scary, eh? I've been a good boy. fmrflyboy sounds much more mature in his e-mails. chiquib's calming down, and working out twice a day. hiphopatcong was still petty, but in his laid back way. It'll be fun to see him and chiquib in the same room, chiquib being a vegetarian and all. And towelboy is still quite the man, after our long conversation.

I still recommend No Disentegrations to all my friends. cessna182 loves the Stigmata and Host Jet. I, scary as it seems, find myself agreeing with most of the rants. But I've stopped recommending Feff World as hardily.

Why? Why? Because of the libelous comments made about someone who means so much to me. And the fact that the storyteller (alleged storyteller, fine) denied any knowledge of said story RIGHT TO MY FACE back at Drew, and his former roomie Bob sat there and denied as well. Later Adam whispered something about it. So, all these people knew, and then lied to my face. But, then, months later, noelr admits it to "Lord Minty". Not cool. Not cool at all. See, noelr, I want to get along with you. But the way you treated me really makes it hard to tolerate the very thought of you. I wish I could shake your hand and call a truce, but we've done that a few times before. Obviously, that didn't work. The extreme level of animosity pouring forth from your very pores, just isn't copathetic with a truce. "Mrs. Pastena", aka chiquib's still quite pissed, and I can understand her anger. noelr, if I posted any of the half a dozen or so stories I've heard, from various people, about you and a certain Drew co-ed, with promise of revealing more, would you be happy? How would you feel if they were false, as well? You'ld be pissed. Believe me, I have stories, believe me, I have dirt. But I'm not going to sink to that sub-terranian level. Oh no. For the record, "Mrs. Pastena" has never been drunk at Drew, and actually, I think, has never been drunk in her life. Point two, she never dealt with John Hwang's roomie's Hwang. Whatever happened that night is none of anyone else's concern, except insofar as disease and past are concerned. You know what? Even hiphopatcong's impure (by a whole 7 points or so). That does not require us posting about his fetishes on the internet. Remember, towelboy, petemagyar's discussion of said fetish? With Hillary Clinton holding.. well, nevermind.

I have no quarrel with thesteamer. I have to quarrel with nxil. In fact, I like nxil. It's good to break up the whole thesteamer vs noelr vs thesteamer vs noelr thing. The only person I have a problem with is noelr, and I don't see that problem resolving anytime soon. Though his appology does give me pause, and I'm proud of him for making such a statement. See, once upon a time, we were friends. We had pizza together, often, and spent most of our time in our respective rooms. But things changed. I "shacked up" with someone, and he stopped having time for me. Soon enough, towelboy, hiphopatcong, petemagyar, and noelr were seperated from my sorry ass. And I mourned for the friendships. Since then, I've patched it up with all, save noelr. The way that noelr lies to Josh's face, then lies to my face, is just insulting. I can tell when he's lying, his eyes wander up and two the right, rolling back quite a bit. After every interrogation session, I hear him mumbling to whoever lends an ear, calling my a psycopath. So what if I'm insane, at least I can face the music when I err. It takes balls, it takes chutzpah. noelr, I know you have chutzpah. I still tell the story of the 1st year class president posters. But admitting to falsehood isn't something you can do. And for that reason, I have problems dealing with you. You've betrayed me one too many times, and then pointed fingers elsewhere. I don't want to blame everything on you, like Reagan in some cliched 80's joke, but if 90% of the evidence points to someone, they're probably guilty. If you're innocent, then O.J. is too. It's that improbable. For that, I'm sorry. For that, I probably won't be able to talk to you civily without having the urge to do unlicensed dental work on your teeth with a aluminum baseball bat. Such is life. I don't like to burn bridges, but I've been getting shit on repeatidly from said bridge.

Who knows, maybe you can change, grow up, and mature, as I'm trying to do this summer. Who knows. But for a long time, I don't think so. I can only hope. Best of luck.

And Jodi, sorry about "minty"'s comments about Drew. One of his friends at a party once with petemagyar and myself proposed a toast to Union County College. Said friend furthermore went on to exclaim, "The best education in the world today is from America's County Colleges!" petemagyar responded with, "Woah man, now I know you're drunk!" That's where I got that from. Personally, I love Drew, and would sell a kidney to stay there.

Goodnight guestbook denziens from the beyond.

Oh, and if noelr, or anyone else would care to give me a call out here, hiphopatcong and towelboy have the number. Or just call my Drew number, I give my number there.

Lord Min I mean kingfox on Sat Jul 19 19:16:07 1997 wrote....

Well, noelr and I have bounced incredibly long e-mails back and forth, and we're going to try to work things out over time. I realize now why he's been holding a grudge against me, and I explained my side of the story. So, hopefully, time will heal.

As far as towelboy's post:

Remember how the whole housing thing started? kingfox needed a roomie at the last minute, and was being jerked around by whether or not fmrflyboy was rooming with hiphopatcong. Things worked out, and hiphopatcong agreed to room with me. We set down some rules, and talked things through. Then, you got yanked around for a while, and I offered to take you in. That came through beautifully, and now we're all one big happy family.

The whole chiquib thing was brought up, and, unlike Ken, you know what you're getting into. chiquib will be living with Bonnie, who takes 20 credits and works two jobs. So Bonnie will be gone quite a bit. Even when we will be in the room, while we are nauseating, we do actually think to lock the door or shut the door, and if someone comes in, we stop being so disgusting. We discussed whatever may happen, and we're not going to be as rude as K&A about the whole thing. The four of us get along, and I hope that friendships will survive. You and hiphopatcong are great guys, and I don't want to lose the friendships. Nor do I want to lose my sweetheart. What we have to do, to make sure this works, is communicate. If you have a problem, or if hiphopatcong has a problem, then use your voice to complain instead of singing Genesis and acting like nothing's wrong. That's what we're going to have to learn to do. You know that chiquib and I usually sleep together, eat together, and live together. But you know we have some discretion, moreso that aforementioned couple. And we'll try to be as descrete as possible. Don't forget that chiquib and I have classes before you or hiphopatcong, so we'll be up and out of your hair having breakfast before you even wake up. We can make this work. If I can survive living with chiquib, cessna182, and cessna182's wife, in a little tiny apartment in the middle of San Francisco, I can survive living in the Welch Triple. And I'm sure you'll find someone else soon, towelboy, and then we can discuss sleeping arangements all over again. I just hope that you're not changing your opinions on sleeping arrangements now that my situation has resumed and your situation has changed. Let's just talk about it.


kingfox Defender of Hamsters on Mon Jul 21 14:57:57 1997 wrote....

Well, thank you towelboy, for defending spelling once more. Let me add, for the record, that every time one of you freaks says "hampsters", you are disgracing a valuable form of fauna. What the hell is that, "hampsters"? Is that some sort of freudian slip? Perhaps you mean, "hempsters", and you must be smoking some form of hemp to call a hamster a "hampster". English 101 people. And towelboy, I believe that a google is 1*10^99, while a google-plex is 1*10^100, which is the number in question. towelboy, you also didn't use proper scientific notation, which would be 1*10^100, instead of 10*10^99. But perhaps I'm being anal. Sigh. Anyway, towelboy, I haven't yet gotten your latest installment of weekly glorious e-mails. I hope you can find a way to send me a copy at CENSORED@fort.com. Thanks for your time and patience.


kingfox stuck in Pacific Time on...
Fri Jul 25 15:38:30 1997 wrote...

What would be something celebrity-worthy? Constructing a Win95 Feff World theme? Imagine it.. hiphopatcong and joehewitt's face everywhere, your computer calls you a Chode when you make a critical error, and REO Speedwagon plays when you turn your computer on. Thinking about it further, perhaps that isn't such a great idea.

Sorry to hear that you and hiphopatcong won't be allowed back early, towelboy, but this gives me some time to meditate on the empty room, to adjust my chakras to the new spiritual environment of my psyche, before hiphopatcong's CD collection shatters my Id.

Oh Jodi, I forgot, you're living in the Spirituality Theme House (the home of Glenn Alperin). I'm sure you'll have fun there. I wonder where Holloway Second is living, and will we start calling him by his new floor? If not, people will get even more confused.

Also, I hope the Beach is finally fixed. It'll be nice to sit out on the Beach on a warm summer night, air-popped popcorn in a bowl, iced tea made petemagyar style in a pitcher, and an Economics book nestled in my lap, cooing up at me seductively. I can't wait, my skin is glistening in anticipation.

Later Drewids and non-Drewids alike,

kingfox caught in a mosh on...
Mon Jul 28 2:16:16 1997 wrote...

Wow, here's something scary from the Kevin Bacon Oracle:

The Oracle says:

Jeremy, Ron has a Bacon number of 2:

Jeremy, Ron was in Meet Wally Sparks (1997) with Reynolds, Burt
Reynolds, Burt was in Starting Over (1979) with Bacon, Kevin

That puts it all in perspective, eh? cessna182 and most of his co-workers are 3 steps from him (Kelsey Grammar filmed a scene on his sub), Bruce Lee is 2 steps, Clinton, Reagan, everyone is connected. How come noone ever came up with the Kevin Bacon game as a global conspiracy theory???


kingfox The Dark One on...
Wed Jul 30 4:17:20 1997 wrote...

Question "Pimp" fmrflyboy: were you Guy Pastena? I have reason to believe that wasn't the real Guy, because Guy uses CENSORED@bellatlantic over the summer, and has worse grammar than that. And he'd probably plug his own damn page more often, and call it by it's proper name. But I could be wrong. Guy, if it is you, e-mail me please.

Wow, what a day. Feff, the Feffmeister, the Fefferoo himself posts. Twice, no less. And not some thesteamer-esque "forgot my e-mail address" second post. Wow. towelboy gets interviewed, and actually only mentions Genesis once or twice!!! Thanks to thesteamer for showing us that there are more facets to towelboy's lifestyle. And, supposedly, fmrflyboy posts!!! What a momentous day in the history of Feff World!!!!

In other news, I start tomorrow (hopefully) working at some Estate Planning place in whatever town is north of Daly City. I'm going to help computerize their office, and run the phones. Hey, I need the spare change. But, again, I'm amazed at how everyone out here is SO DAMNED politically correct. Every last one of them. And casual. The boss is called, "Johnny!" Yeah, that's normal for a corporate estate planner, that's something I'll put on my business card. In the eastern cities, people wear ties, do business 24/7, and refer to each other by their last names. Out here, people go tieless, and often casual for thursday and friday. The city that never sleeps? Bah, that's NYC, here the financial market area is shut down and dead by 6. And no business, repeat, no business gets done on a Friday. And everyone's on a first name basis with everyone else.

I love the neighborhoods here. I'm living in San Francisco's SoMa region, kinda like a trendy warehouses gone yuppie place like TriBeCa or SoHo in it's early days. Chinatown's right near here. So is Castro, which is commented on in my guide as a, "nice neighborhood, containing a lively affluent gay community." If hiphopatcong ever drove through there, he'd have nightmares about being stuck legless in the center of Castro. Everyone patting everyone else's behind.

Well, I'm boring you all with details of a city far far away from Hopatcong, or Jersey for that matter.

Miss you all.. sleepless in San Francisco, where they actually DO HAVE Rice-A-Roni commercials on TV. It was the tackiest and scariest thing, when I saw a Rice-A-Roni advertisement on the back of a trolley car.

cessna182's been wasting so many lunch hours playing with the Oracle Of Bacon at Virginia website. Flipper, Beavis, Kevin Smith, Elvis, everyone's connected!!!! I can't break the chain!


kingfox a.k.a. Kingfox (shit I'm late for work!!!) on...
Fri Aug 1 12:45:12 1997 wrote...

I'm late for work, but let me just say that after nominating altoidsaddict for mascot, it's been seconded, thirded, fourthed, (and noelr, who seconded it, seconded it twice), so please, get your numbers right people. 2+1 != 2.

Late for work, and my hair tie is possessed and the cats hate my robe.


kingfox In a different shower on...
Tue Aug 19 13:28:49 1997 wrote...

Much like the famed bar, Cheers. Bah, what about the famed former BBS and ISP Cheers? Which spawned Cheersoft.com? That's something to compare this guestbook too, only less of a crowd. Cheers was the place where I first got to know Lord Minty (even though I went to school with him), the place where petemagyar, Matt, stepson, and I roasted people online until the wee hours of the morning. It was the kind of place you could log on at 8 AM, 2 PM, 6 PM, 11 PM, or 2 AM and find 30 different people on at each of those times. It was the kind of place where, with a little smooth talking, I could be in some strange southern NJ girl's truck, driving to some park in an hour flat. It was the kind of place where people spend more time there than with their girlfriends or boyfriends, unless, of course, it was a fellow Cheers resident. It was the place for mayhem, chaos, and social deviencies. After all, it's the place where I first met Myles Bhawk Helfand. It's the kind of place where the Crack Babies were formed, the night they went borg and gobbled up the place. It's the kind of place where ILTD first formed. What it meant for different people varies vastly, for Bhawk it was a chance to have a social life, and break out from the shell he was trapped behind by his own shyness. For Ming the Merciless it was a similar journey though the self. For some, it was a cheap way of getting cheap women, and for others, like Terminator, it was LIFE ITSELF.

Anyway, I can't wait for September First either.

Later l-m-n-o-p-chodes,


kingfox One King of the Hill: Chevy on...
Wed Aug 20 22:16:49 1997 wrote...

Well, it shall be an exciting next few days, considering my sweetie arrives tomorrow and we'll be going to one of the few boardwalks better than Jersey's best. It's a real fun place.

Anyway, check out the latest Cruel Site of the Day, it's pretty funny today.

I motion that Holloway 2nd be called Holloway 2nd, no matter where he may reside for the next three (more or less) years at Drew University.

As far as the Anatomy of an All-Nighter whack, I feel your pain noelr, after hiphopatcong put me in the school paper taking your place I throttled him in his room. But I decided to forgive him after a while.

kingfox's revelation of the day: I was the Guestbook Archive Daemon that posted on this site after Angsto the Clown made us (or thesteamer, or the Daemon in his book) the shit-for-brains of the week. Big fucking revelation there.

Later choformers and chocepticons. Be good.


kingfox They have theories about LI! on...
Thu Aug 21 1:47:58 1997 wrote...

Well, noelr, I was also the Angsto Guestbook poster. You've found me out. And I don't think you not accusing me of anything shouldn't be merely based on what I can hold over you till September, but something instead based upon a mutual respect, like the kind of respect R.U. Sirus doesn't have for the "online community" (sorry, obscure reference).

I was also the poster in Holroyd's page, the poster in Pastena's page, and the poster in Quicksand's page. Oh, yeah, Dan Kahn's page too. All of those posts contain links here, and have my name signed in the usual kingfox on a line by itself. You're quite right in your deductions, my boy.

And you still haven't replied to my e-mails, young Mr. noelr

Later big and little brothers and sisters alike,


kingfox Caught in a mosh on...
Thu Sep 11 10:37:31 1997 wrote...

As for the fake Harry poster, I won't point any fingers, but who aroud here frequently includes random links in their posts? Just an idea.

Good guess noelr, but it wasn't me. It was my style, but the sucker made a mistake in their HTML. I rarely do as such.

If anyone should be suspected of being Jamie Green, it should be me. I have the same initials, and a lot of e-mail accounts. Whenever America's Most Wanted posts the aliases of their fugitives, they're always the same initials as their real names.

Of course they do, otherwise they'd have to re-order the monogrammed gun and shoulder holster set, and the monogrammed luggage thrown in their trunk as they run cross-country.

I polled the following seven hiphopatcong, towelboy, Al, Scott, you, Jodi (no decision rendered), and kingfox (no decision either).

Piss on you, blasphemous liar! I rendered a decision, and told you exactly what I thought you should do, thesteamer. Don't put words in my mouth.

One last thing: anyone ever notice that thesteamer always claims after the fact that he was never fooled by anything?

Yes, I have noticed. And that's one of the (few) things I appriciate and admire about you noelr, you take chances and admit your ideas, taking the chance that they're wrong. Like the fake Harry post.

Later choad lovers,

Whack Archive Daemon on...
Fri Sep 12 14:40:02 1997 wrote...

hiphopatcong wrote in one of his whacks:
Number 6: Russell Sprague - The first of my Drew friends to discover the guestbook, and the first person I know of who made a link directly to the guestbook. His posts are always verbose, always meaningful, and always controversial. A Russ post always adds some spice; he doesn't debate over who is a celebrity, he just is one.
So, being that hiphopatcong is the man of Feff World, and his Whacks are the original reason we're all here, I take his word.

Just took my first Calc. Exam. Kinda pointless, after two years of calc in St. Joe's, and a semester of post-calc last year, taking two semesters of calc is just silly. Well, the Computer Science major here at Drew is screwey. I mean, c'mon, I can be a Comp. Sci. AND Math major for the same number of credits and classes as becoming a plain old Computer Science Major. What gives? That's misleading to future schools and employers, getting a dual major for the price of a regular BS. If I wasn't so bored with higher-level math, I'd do it in a heartbeat. In fact, I might just do it anyway. That'll make me a triple major with an extra minor. A major crack-smoker indeed, just for the courseload of a standard dual major (Business Management and Economics overlap like hell, like Math and Comp. Sci.).

Whoops, overly-long overly-personal post, an altoidsaddictesque post!!! (just kidding altoidsaddict)

Off to sleep,


kingfox on...
Fri Sep 12 15:22:57 1997 wrote...

I think I fake-posted his guestbook pretty early. As soon as the archive goes back on-line, we'll see. If that day ever comes. That day will probably be the day that the next whack goes up, that the weekly whack menu changes to whack menu, and hell freezes over (sorry joehewitt, couldn't resist). We'll see when it finally occurs.

Amazing that you've posted three times since my post (who knows, you could be posting a fourth or fifth time as I write this, who knows), I sincerely worry about your free time noelr. Then again, towelboy worries about the free time of us all. Guy Pastena worries about EVERYONE's free time, something he is obviously immune to, judging by his un-updated sloppily-coded web page with stolen graphics thrown about like some bad parody of an Oliver Stone website. At least his code beats the frames of a certain other page.

We should do an award ceremony here in Welch 110, for Drew's worst web page. I've seen some pretty basic ones. I wonder if "The voice of Drew University"'s page is still up. It was a really crappy page, all on one BIG page, full of graphics from a members.aol.com account, meaning that the whole monstrosity took ages to load, even over a good ISP.

Then again, why am I telling this to the guestbook community. It's a Drew reference, and therefore apparently inheritly evil.

Later Clam-choaders,


kingfox A lonely Silver Serpent on...
Tue Sep 23 8:35:17 1997 wrote...

Regarding Wyk's commentary about getting laid more than any of us old folks. I, as those of you who know me would guess, object. Strongly. Wyk, if you're willing to come up with some actual numbers, names, and phone numbers (in your case, e-mail addresses), then back off. I had some regretful shitty years of "sowing my oats", and look back on them with a mixture of disgust and pride. Mostly disgust, due to the shallow, cheap, manipulatory nature of 90% of these encounters.

So, you get your little wanker dipped more than a bunch of guys sitting around reading the guestbook 4 or 5 times (at least) a day. This says what about you? Obviously, not much. Oh, and I did the girlfriend standing naked behind me gotta go post in my day, and it brought a teary memory back to me. Only I was doing it on a 2400 baud BBS, back in '93. It was degrading and tacky back then, and with the cosmic virus-like spread of the internet, it's even more so.

Oh, and Wyk: those metal bead necklaces are about as distinctive and unique as wearing a slap bracelet 6 or 7 years ago. Get an identity.

One thing I do have to respect you for, however, is your choice in religions. Hail Bob!

Back to the getting some arguement, I do have to give you credit for managing to get laid often (assuming you're not just making a childish boast) while not allowed on the phone after 10. Most of my social engineering and steamy conversations lasted till 3 or so, it would be hard to work within such constraints.

Speaking of Social Engineering, I think it's time for a new controversy.

Back to lurking for another week or two,

kingfox Push the Wheel for me on...
Tue Sep 23 23:33:44 1997 wrote...

Hey, Wyk me boy, you do not hold a position higher than me or towelboy. We are now Co-Chairs of the Welch-Holloway Living Counsel. That puts us in charge of activities of over 300 people. We have a Secretary and Treasurer below us, slaves beneath our awesome might. I follow in the footsteps of Serrette King...

Regarding Pineapple Soda: It's good once a month maybe, but more than that and it rots my soul. I seriously think we should take a picture of hiphopatcong's fridge... filled with pineapple soda and with rows of pinapple soda on top. Mmm.. having September's can right now. Let's see Miss Allergic to Pineapple (altoidsaddict):

Carbonated water, high fructose corn syrup, citric acid, artificial flavor, sodium benzoate, gum acacia, ester gum, brominate vegetable oil, and artificial colors (Yellow #5 and #6).

Sparkling HOFFMAN Pineapple soda artificially flavored

Ok, so I guess that answers that debate. Pineapple soda is soda by all logical and reasonable means, but is in no way pineapple. So any such allergy would either be psychosematic :-) or a bad reaction to ester gum. And yet another debate is settled: it IS a citrus drink, despite the fact that pineapple is a tropical fruit, due to the citric acid found in the soda. So citrus-soda haters can hate pineapple soda logically. Don't feel that you have to change your constitution to add tropical fruits. Besides, I don't approve of such wishy-washiness.

Got back from an awesome computer convention/conference type thing in the Hilton in Manhatten. Good deal. So hiphopatcong's playing with a Hewlett-Packard yo-yo that sings, towelboy's playing with a fan from some motherboard company, and petemagyar's going through all the millions of pens. I got tons of shirts, cd-roms, Netscape software, IBM cup, Kingston heads (those of you computer geeks who knows who Kingston is: I got a big Kingston head!), a tiger, all sorts of freebee crap. It's like a merry fucking Christmas here at Welch 110.

Later Clam Choaders,


kingfox on...
Mon Oct 13 1:02:47 1997 wrote...

joehewitt not putting up the Whacks?
Fuck that shit!
hiphopatcong so spineless they're no longer "Weekly?"
Fuck that shit!
Wyk most prolific poster here?
Fuck that shit!
towelboy lost in the shower?
Fuck that shit!
altoidsaddict moaning on another corner of the web?
Fuck that shit!
noelr barely able to keep it alive?
Fuck that shit!
thesteamer and fmrflyboy-san too drunk to post?
Fuck that shit!
Fuck you bitch!

kingfox A lonely silver surfer on...
Sun Oct 26 16:38:41 1997 wrote...

I'm glad to see that controversy, diagreement, and miscommunication are all still the order of the day at Feff's Guestbook o' laughs. Now if only we could get a whack up. Then again, joehewitt still can't get a brainfume up on his own damn page. Sigh. Sorry I haven't been sharing my extended overly-personal diatribes with you clam choaders in some time, I've been busy working my ass off. Photo job, and managing at the campus Pub. Luckily, most pub patrons (faculty, staff, grad and theo students, seniors, etc.) can handle their two or three beers better than thesteamer. Otherwise I'd be speeddialing Public Saftey every night. Instead, it's a fun place for adults to get away from all the damn kids. RD's, administration, and such calmly telling jokes and laughing while guzzling down Guinness. The professors drank us out of Bass Ale. It's hillarious to watch your teachers get intoxicated at your hands. But I digress.

Wyk, you disturb me insofar as your resemblence in attitudes and actions to a version of me that almost occured years ago. Fortunately, I grew up and found other ways to use my energies and feelings. But yes, alot of your pathetic experiences, attitudes, and feelings disturb a chord deep within my cockels. Your web page, with a touch of death, depression, and fire, would resemble the place I created long ago, my micro-generation's version of a web page, the personal BBS. thedenbbs, a rip-roaring place for coke addicts, pedophiles, furries, metalheads, and losers to hang out and pick up cheap sluts. And it was mine, all mine, hehehee!! Then technology advanced. Sigh.

Like my favorite group, BBS's are past their prime, mere has-beens.....


p.s. funny how a certain person hasn't posted in a while....

kingfox on...
Tue Nov 4 12:31:01 1997 wrote...

Can't find your way around a UNIX shell? Noel, I'm disappointed in you. C'mon, UNIX isn't THAT hard, alien, or foreign. Anyway, I'd just like to plug petemagyar's Reality Fighting Page while I'm here, then I'll be off...

And noelr, once you do start fixing things with the guestbook, could you remove that disturbing picture on the top, it's scaring potential victims, I mean posters, away. Thanks for all of your work, even through it is, quoting hiphopatcong, "a job a monkey could do!"


Date: Fri Nov 14 14:48:52 1997

Realistically speaking, what archives remain available, and what archives are lost forever into the miasma that is the internet? I remember a decent archive on noelr's site, and I remember the pre-box archive was here and joehewitt supposedly saved it. By my reckoning (please, none of you bastards say, "Hey, that's not right!", this is not an exact number here), we are waiting for 3 to 4 archives alltogether, and that's only what I remember being archived. I'm not even counting the archives I used to keep on my HD from when I started posting back in the fall of '96. It's sad to look back, and see how me replying to someone else on the Guestbook started the idea of using it as a conversation medium, and all this crap flowed forth as if from a giant anus that had been crammed with a dozen suppositories and then freed at once.

Sorry I've been away, but I've had some medical problems, and unlike altoidsaddict, I won't spew forth a 5 page saga about my personal life. Those who care either know already or are in my e-mail dis list.

Hopefully, I can return to the Guestbook. noelr, I'll try to scan the pix at work tomorrow, and send them to you via e-mail attachment. Hope that will work.

Dammit I HATE this fucking format, so that we have to go back up and down trying to find what posts are new and what aren't. And, I'd greatly prefer it if new posts were added to the bottom. That's how most bulletin board type systems work, and it's the most logical procedure. Then again, looking at how lazy those of you that I know on here are, it'll never happen. Nice to see that replies get sorted logically, too bad to see that nothing else is.. "But I don't want to have to scroll all the way to the bottom just to see if there's new messages, it's easier this way!" -hiphopatcong the Fuck

Well, I know that request will never be completed, so I'll have to stay away from here until I can find time between work and classes to bother sorting through all the replies and reverse-posting garbage with sexual definitions and such crap.

Later clam choaders,


Date: Mon Nov 24 11:11:55 1997
Subject: You bring the noise, I'll bring the funk!

It really disturbs me to see the guestbook decended so low. The last series of fakeposts are even below mine. Even my "Isaac is a big smelly cat!" post was in better taste then some of them. Though I did like the "bug found in Wyk's ass", and commend the person who I know did it. As for the state of the guestbook itself, I still don't like this format, though I plan on catching up on it over January. I'll be living in a newer dorm, and have a graphical browser for once. Unfortunately, all my replies will be down throughout the list of posts, and noone will bother reading that far down to check for new posts, so I'll be wasting my ever-so-precious time anyway. Such is the testicular cancer, I mean irony, of life.

Later clam choaders,

kingfox, Guestbook rarity and showresumer!

P.S. For what the Towel-clad punk did, He really did deserve #1 for a day, even if he will be a fool for a lifetime (sorry, album reference and inside joke tossed in a blender and shaken by an epileptic).

Date: Sat Nov 29 21:54:22 1997
Subject: I for one, like Thanksgiving

Hey, mock me and flame me all you want you socially inept cyber-clique banana-loving freaks, but I love Thanksgiving. Not just for the food and family, but for the meaning behind it. We're pretty lucky, and we have the ability to slaughter animals en masse to feaste on their baked flesh, gnawing on their bones with our molars. That's the meaning of Thanksgiving. We're not some poor disease-infested third-world citizens selling cow manure (seriously, this happens) for food. We're a country that has done well for itself, and can afford such displays of stability. We can affort to have our financial markets close at 1 PM the day after Thanksgiving. We can afford to slaughter tons of dumb flightless fowl. For these reasons, and more, we should be glad to have Thanksgiving. Hope you all had good Thanksgivings, guestbook lurker, celebrities, losers, and clam choaders.


Date: Mon Dec 1 11:46:12 1997
Subject: RE: RE: Message load limit

I suggest a 100 message limit. And hey, I sometimes do look down that far just to make sure I don't miss anything.

I still can't believe hiphopatcong drank last night. towelboy didn't believe me, but he came back this morning to find a hung over hiphopatcong. He's running off to vomit about every hour now, and still doesn't like loud noises. Hopefully petemagyar is doing better.

Date: Wed Dec 3 11:40:45 1997
Subject: RE: RE: now 100 messages

Thanks noelr. As I said in the e-mail, I seriously think that joehewitt denies my very existence. Perhaps some childhood trauma involving leather and a pair of handcuffs. Repressing the memories and all, you see?

By the way, at 2:30, I'm going to be playing that game again. Then I work, come back, and play it again. Sigh. It really is a great game, with a sadistic slant to it. Anyway, I'm late for an interview.


Guestbook E-Mail Daemon
Date: Thu Dec 4 0:20:56 1997
Subject: Guestbook Breaking News

Some geek HTML monkey uttered the following out of his bad end:

HEY FUCK YOU kingfox YOU STUPID FUCKING ASSHOLE. I never liked you anyway!

So I, in my infinate wisdom, respond with the following:

Hey Mr. joehewitt, why the fucking animosity? You think you're so high and mighty just because you can come up with a decent graphic or two. Oooh, I know HTML, I know CGI, yeah so does every other penis-lick with a computer, internet access, and half a brain cell. You, of all people, need an attitude adjustment. If anyone needs to deal with the fact that you are NOTHING away from your computer, it's you.

Fuck, even in your computer domain you are crap. Got any new mindfumes up? Got that remote on your web page working yet? Thought not. Bother getting whacks up on time? Not really. You sicken me. Oh yeah, you're so busy with all those web design jobs coming in. How come I don't see any other credentials of yours? Cause noone else wants your crap? Thought so. You couldn't even be bothered updating or working on the ONE page you did assume responsibility of UNTIL noelr fucking takes the reins from your week limp hands, and drives things better then you had. That caused you to actually get off your ass, stop spacing, and do some work in the website. I still think noelr should have been left in charge of the site's maintence. We'll see how long you stay around this time, punk. This is the one real site you "maintain", and yet we still complain about your lack of maintence. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you suck. Stick the joehewitt Revolution crown up your fucking ass like the suppository you know it is.

Every one on the guestbook kisses your pimply geeky ass because your graphics are well done. You're no Picasso, but I give you that much. Your programming, well, it's been equated to a monkey before, and I think that's fairly accurate. That's right, I said the phrase that caused you to fuck with Wyk you fascist censor: HTML MONKEY! noelr, Wyk, and probably now me you fucking hipocrite. One second "Feff's World, we support free speech!" Well maybe hiphopatcong, that fellow Libertarian, does, but you're another story. You anal mother fucking freak, you don't like someone's comment about you, so you device a means to counter them. That goes against EVERYTHING the guestbook stand for, but you're the oh-so-mighty fucking diety joehewitt. Give me a fucking break. Noone, repeat noone, gives a SHIT about you in the real world. Deal. Do you know what the one thing you could do to get attention would be? Kill yourself. Right now. Kill yourself.

I love how the Archives get lost for so long, still parts are missing, and how lax you are in posting them. It took me to threaten you with a libel suit just for you to bother to do something.

I've been nice to you, and talked with you, and gotten nothing but cold responses in return. Out of fucking left field, in the hickville area where you live and have Cindy Souza breaking your bleeding loser heart (pathetic bastard), you come up with this sudden burst of animosity. I've always respected your art, and acted civily to you, and get paid back with this. Guess what joehewitt, you can't censor e-mail, I will speak away you cunt.

Prepare for revenge, kingfox-style.


Date: Thu Dec 4 17:00:11 1997
Subject: Reply to kingfox

kingfox, CHILL DOWN THERE BIG GUY, I WAS ONLY KIDDING!!!! Why the hell would I call you a fucking asshole and say that I "never liked you anyway"??? I have no reason. I have nothing against you, kingfox. I have hardly ever had any communication with you, and I don't know you. I don't hate you!!! I WAS ONLY KIDDING!!! You emailed me sounding all angry so I sent back a sarcastic reply insulting you, but I thought it was plainly obvious that I was kidding. I didn't mean to incite a bloody flaming of myself, but alas, I got it, and I can take it. I'd like to reply to certain thing that you said, though:

> Hey joehewitt, why the fucking animosity? You think you're so high and
> mighty just because you can come up with a decent graphic or two. Oooh, I
> know HTML, I know CGI, yeah so does every other penis-lick with a computer,
> internet access, and half a brain cell.

Well, first off, as I just said their is no animosity, I was just joking. As far as me being all "high and mighty"... well, I'll talk more about that in a sec....

> Fuck, even in your computer domain you are crap. Got any new mindfumes up?
> Got that remote on your web page working yet? Thought not.

Well, I haven't done any work on my site in a long time... frankly, I didn't know that anybody actually read my mindfumes or was waiting for new ones. If I had known this, I would certainly have written more. Actually I take notes all the time and so I have plenty of material for MindFumes, but I have not received one single email worth of feedback on them so I haven't really thought much about updating them. As far as the broken remote control, I plan on revamping that whole section of my site over winter break.

> Bother getting whacks up on time? Not really.

I've been pretty bad with the whacks, but I have gotten the last few up on time and I plan on continuing this trend. If I do slack off though you can call me on it.

> Oh yeah, you're so busy with all those web design jobs coming in. How come I
> don't see any other credentials of yours? Cause noone else wants your crap? Thought so.

Well, my only credentials are what you can see on the sites I've designed. I've had plans to market myself as a freelance web designer for a long time, I've just never done it for whatever reason. I am, however, currently employed by Merck as a web designer but I work on their Intranet so you can't see the work I do there.

> I still think noelr should have been left in charge of the site's maintence.

Really? Well why don't you start up a petition and see how many signatures you can get, starting with hiphopatcong. If you want to throw me out I'd be happy to leave if that was the wish of everybody.

> That's right, I said the phrase that caused you to fuck with Wyk you fascist
> censor: HTML MONKEY! noelr, Wyk, and probably now me you fucking hipocrite.
> One second "Feff's World, we support free speech!" Well maybe hiphopatcong, that
> fellow Libertarian, does, but you're another story. You anal mother fucking
> freak, you don't like someone's comment about you, so you device a means to
> counter them. That goes against EVERYTHING the guestbook stand for, but
> you're the oh-so-mighty fucking diety joehewitt.

Ok, I think this is where I have to credit kingfox for being right. I've been playing "God" with the guestbook as my own little kingdom and I should really cut that out. The Feff World constitution specifically advocates free speech, and I won't be breeching this law anymore. Given the power to fuck with the guestbook as much as I please, I had all kinds of fun with it. I targetted Wyk because he dissed me on a number of occasions, and I thought, "Hey, well two can play at this game" so I just had the guestbook script fuck up his posts, but I did not plan on doing this forever, it was only active for like a week and now I took it down. I want to be humble, and not royal, so I won't be referring to myself as "God" any more or asking others to do so. Call me "asshole" if you wish and I won't mess with your guestbook posts or do anything else. Even though I control the guestbook it is sort of a "public domain" object.

> I love how the Archives get lost for so long, still parts are missing, and how
> lax you are in posting them.

> Thus, there is a mysterious two-week-long missing gap that just happens to coincide with my
> virgin post to the guestbook. My theory: joehewitt is trying to make it look like Rozycki beat me to
> the punch, which in fact he didn't.
> Where will Big Brother joehewitt strike next?

Ok, I may have fucked with Wyk's post but I did NOT fuck with the archives. I have no clue why that gap is there, all I know is I had to scan my hard drive for those archive files, I did not organize them. The really old one, dating back to February, I found at the last minute and was shocked it even existed. It was not even an official guestbook, just a raw copy of the message data file. I must have copied it from the server one day as a backup because back then the message data file would get erased all the time for no reason (it has no owner and can be deleted by anybody on the GTI system). The rest of the really old stuff was deleted one day because Armando posted a huge text file to the guestbook fucking it up and for some reason I deleted it. Keep in mind that back in those days nobody but me cared about the guestbook because nobody posted it to it regularly. I just read it to keep abreast of what people visiting Feff World had to say about our site. So, I really didn't think about "archiving" and so I didn't do it, and so when the data file got erased I had no backup.

> Out of fucking left field, in the hickville area where you live

I live in Hickville? Not exactly... there are no farms out here. Somerset County is one of the most heavily developed non-urban counties in NJ. The farms are out in HUNTERDON, the adjacent county.

> and have Cindy Souza breaking your bleeding loser heart (pathetic bastard)

OOOOH, LOW BLOW! I take it you are referring to that one piece in my gallery, eh? I guess this is what happens when you put your emotions out on your web page, risk having people spit them back in your face... HEHEHE I kind of like it :)

> I've always respected your art, and acted civily to you, and get paid back with this.
> Guess what joehewitt, you can't censor e-mail, I will speak away you cunt.
> Prepare for revenge, kingfox-style.

I'm sorry you misunderstood it when I was joking with you. I guess I didn't make it clear I was being sarcastic. I'm also sorry I credited noelr with the 100 message limit when it was initially your idea. I guess because you don't post too much and noelr posts 20 times a day I took him more seriously when he said it.

Once again, I'm sorry, I hope we can come to a truce here, I do not wish to have any sort of war with you, kingfox.



Date: Sun Dec 14 14:29:21 1997
Subject: Don'tCallItAComeback,I'veBeenHereForYears...

Sorry for the absense, I can attribute a variety of reasons for my self-imposed holiday from the marvelous hiphopatcong's Guestbook. First of all, I started playing Dungeon Keeper, and it took up my life for a week or two. After that, I felt obligated to study for finals and do papers and such. Normally, I would sneak a post in edgewise, but I felt that it wasn't fit for me to post until I replied to the two e-mails I got from joehewitt so many days ago. So, so as to clear my conscience, let me reply to the mass e-mail here, so as not to (quoting Tara Stoppa): "rape your inbox"es. So, here's my reply:

joehewitt, I accept your apology, but noone I know who was on the e-mail list thought it was sarcasm. hiphopatcong, the man who knows you best at Drew, even thought it was a serious attack on me. If hiphopatcong didn't catch the sarcasm, how could anyone else? We thought it was serious, and I responded as such. Unfortunately, I not that even after you asmit to violating the Feff world constitution, you continued to screw with others, to the point where they complained in e-mails about you abusing your power. Seemed a bit hipocritical. I hope you stick to your guns this time, and stop abusing your power. As for putting noelr in a higher position of power, I trust noelr less with power than I trust you, you should definately stay in charge of the programming. There were a few other issues brought up in your e-mail to me, but I forget them for now. Basically, I accept a truce, and hope you can stick to what you said in the e-mail. As I said in my attack, I have nothing against you.

Now, regarding the guestbook itself, fuck you noelr. That's right. Mr. "I am an independant thinker" who puts me down to #10 on the celeb list because I speak my mind to joehewitt, who was acting like a jackass at the time. "Noone attacks joehewitt". Fucking hipocrite, just because I'm not afraid to do it PUBLICALLY you "punish me". That's why I don't trust you with power, you're a fickle random little person. Such a person can't be trusted with a car, let alone a community. About hiphopatcong's "Neverending Story" analogy, I like it. I ask to be the Nothing. 2x4's, what's with the 2x4's? Tony D. and Tara still attribute 2x4's to me in conversation, much to my amusement. Hmm.. I knew there were some other topics... Oh yeah: WHY THE FUCK DO WE GO TO SUCH AN EXTENT ABOUT A GOVERNMENT? Look at you all, filling the guestbook with pathetic twitters about a Feff government, "Oh, oh! I was in student government, I should be Chief Justice of Agnew Valley!" "No, I was moderator in my debate club let ME be justice!!!" Such drivel fulling the once-controversial halls of the Guestbook. Bah. Why the hell do we need a government with all sorts of organization and regulations and such? What the fuckin' fuck? Things do need to be a bit better organized, but not to the extent that you freaks want to take it to. Let's come back down to reality for a second here, people. I definately agree with the need to advertise Feff World a bit more, whenever I post on another guestbook I always link to here multiple times. We need to get some fresh faces and new people in here adding to the community of Feff World as a whole. We really could have alot of fun with a crowd. But we don't need a "Legislature of the Guestbook" to have fun.

I mourn the loss of altoidsaddict, and hope she comes back again. Ever notice how often altoidsaddict and thesteamer have to leave to prove a point, yet they both always come back? If only the same could be said for.... nevermind.

aaronkliger said:
I must now finish my paper on how FDR's Civilian Conservation Corps was actually a Quazi-Nazi stormtrooper training program.

Two points: hiphopatcong's pleased that Dockers sponsers the NFL halftime report today. Two: What does our friendly, awesome, god-like, card-swiping commons mofo Quazi have to do with FDR? Just wondering...

Anyway, I think that's about it for this post. Expect me to post often now that finals are drawing to a close, and expect my interviews/pix/etc. up over the January Experience (or the period of time formerly known as JanTerm). I'll be living with Bob the Jedi Master and Jaaaaaaaaames Winans over the period, and might even try to get them to post. We'll see.

Later clam choaders,

And, as a bonus bit, altoidsaddict leaving the guestbook:

Date: Thu Dec 11 20:58:17 1997
Subject: Will - Who Cares if you Read it? Not Me.

Yeah, yeah, this is closure. I don't give a flying fuck if anyone reads it. This is just for me.

I leave this guestbook with a bad taste in my mouth. First, I am made to feel very very different (something I hate) and very very wrong (something I hate even more) by a religious discussion and by a person who did not think before he wrote (something I've admittedly done).

Then, shortly thereafter, proposals for a new Feff World government were heard. With the exception of noelr, I was not even in the running. I cared about this place, and wanted to help make it better. But nobody listened. I have made several suggestions in the past, and have been willing to put my money where my mouth is, but nobody cared. And in some cases, I was deliberately ignored. This tells me I am not appreciated.

And then thesteamer tells me to go ahead and leave, noone will care anyway, and I'm not worth it. I don't put much stock in what he says - anyone who posts drunk and boasts like he does loses all credibility with me. But I have decided I do not need this hassle.

I would like to thank some people who have been supportive of me and haven't been completely immature. I think Wyk should get my celebrity spot. He's been wise beyond his years, and I would want noelr to have it but he's got a better one. noelr has been great through everything, and he retains his A-1, four-star ranking on my links page and as a person. Rozycki, even though I don't understand most of his posts, has been nice to me. hiphopatcong is still one of the most creative people I've met, and he of course has absolutely nothing to do with this. And, even though he is a contributing factor, joehewitt does the html and helped make this place a reality. towelboy is also a contributing factor, but at least I know he cares a little bit. thesteamer has no redeeming qualities, would likely get his ass kicked by the whole damn town if he ever came here, and should take a long walk off a short pier. Al will be played by a 2x4.

I know that I will get some e-mails asking me why I'm doing this, and why leave when there's so much to be done. But I've made my decision, and I hope you all understand it. I know I've come back before, just as I have left before, but that was when there was something worth coming back to. That is not the case now, and I don't see it happening in the near future.

Man, that brings me back. I'll re-read it all some time later.

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